Q.1 What is the chief and highest end of Theory of Racquetball?
A. Theory of Racquetball’s chief and highest end is to rock, and fully to enjoy rock forever.

Q. 2. What is your only favorite band, in life and in death?
A. Hopefully Theory of Racquetball, because they rock huge.

Q. 3. What does it mean to rock?
A. To totally flip out and rage on electric guitars and drums and whatever.

Q. 4. What is the PTS sound?
A. It’s hard to describe. I don’t like categorizing bands as much as anybody, but TofR is trying to help develop the PTS sound. It has previously been defined by bands like Million Time Winner, The Perfect Woman, and to a lesser extent Moveable Nu (and of course their earlier work in President Combover). And I guess you have to include More Milk, even though they were just a bar band.

Q. 5. How can you claim to be the “world’s greatest theological rock band?”
A. Well, can you even name one other great theological rock band? Of course not. Can you even think of another Barthian rock band. Definitely not. Therefore, we take the title by defaul.

Q. 6. If Pedro from Pedro the Lion was to come up to you and grant you one wish, what would it be?
A. Probably to be as good as him.

Q. 7. Who would win in a fight between the lead singer of TofR and the lead singer from Trash Oven?
A. That’s just an existential nightmare and I don’t think I can answer that.

Q. 8. Are you guys emo?
A. Hmm. I’m not sure. According to Rolling Stone, all emo is punk rock, and according to Spin, all emo is bad. I don’t know if I want to be either of those.

Q. 9. Have you ever seen a topless bartender at the Terrace Club.
A. Yeah, once at this dirty hippy show. It was gross.

Q. 10. Have you ever fought a ninja?
A. No, but our friend Keeva did once. He died. But then President Gillespie brought him back to life.

Q. 11. If you were to come up with another name for TofR, what would it be?
A. I’d go with “The High School Hotties,” because then after shows people would be like “hey, did you see those high school hotties last night!” And then people would get made fun of.

Q. 12. What parallel courses did Bloom and Stephen follow returning?
A. Starting united both at normal walking pace from Beresford place they followed in the order named Lower and Middle Gardiner streets and Mountjoy square, west; then, at reduced pace, each bearing left, Gardiner’s place by an inadvertence as far as the farther corner of Temple street: then, at reduced pace with interruptions of halt, bearing right, Temple street, north, as far as Hardwicke place. Approaching, disparate, at relaxed walking pace they crossed both the circus before George’s church diametrically, the chord in any circle being less than the arc which it subtends.

Q. 13. Are there any good beers in NJ?
A. Not really.

Q. 14. Why did you make a page full of jokes that are funny to only like four people?
A. Because those four people are cracking up right now. And because we’re lame.